Pom Aid

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Hair’s serious business, folks. Brother Earl and I have seen some dark, dark times with ours. Mullets, pink dreadlocks, crimping. And that’s just Earl.

These days we know better. We know that from the Millionaire Quartet to Dr Mark Kermode, there’s only one fine and fitting style for a God fearing, blues loving country boy and that’s a quiff.

To be fair, Brother Earl – with his high simian content – fares a little better than me. He has thick black hair which makes for a lustrous quiff* (although it’s a little less charming when you realise that his nipples and belly button also have actual pompadours beneath those polyester shirts he loves so much). Me, I’m more kinda fine haired n’ mousy which gives me trouble but that’s where the grease comes in.

Over the years I’ve tried them all – Murrays, Black & White, Sweet Georgia Brown, Dax, even Brylcreem. I even interrupted a row about the merits of The Big Lebowski to ask Dr Kermode for his tips (Sweet Georgia and a splash of Bay Rum, if memory serves – he also went on to dismiss Richard Hawley’s affection for B&W as rank amateurism, I believe).  But there can only be one winner.

It hit me just this morning – like I was shot, like I was shot with a greasy bullet.

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It’s Royal Crown Hair Dressing Pomade, friends, and don’t let anyone tell you different. It’s slick and shiny without being too greasy. It’s easy to shape and easy to wash out. It’s the King Of Grease.

By the way, if you want the best goshdarnit haircut in the UK, you need to get yourself to Something Hell’s nr Carnaby Street. If like me, you’re stuck in the frozen North, Scotts of Newcastle (The Side) are pretty damn good.

* why do you think all those YouTube vids of how to assemble the perfect quiff feature Japanese or Mexican guys, with hair like some kind of magical moldable black mercury?

~ by stagger lee on March 13, 2012.

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